Wednesday, December 28, 2011

We call it a feature, not a bug, and you would too if you weren't a 20th century unenlightened throwback . . .

Hey, Mazda people.  Locking and unlocking the doors remotely is nice, but I seldom - okay, never - need to roll down the car windows remotely by pushing a button on the ignition key.  But since you Mazda guys added that unneeded capability, I think at least one of you could have forecast that a paying customer might want the ability to roll the damn windows back up remotely, instead of running outside to get into the car to insert the damn ignition key into the damn steering column to put the damn windows back up, IN THE RAIN!!!, because the damn ignition key window-roll-down-button got pushed by a damned dime while the key was in my damn pocket with pocket change. Damn!  Which wouldn't have been important if you hadn't rigged the thing to roll the windows down in the rain in the first place, around here, where it rains.

And hey, Portland Political Masters.  I suppose that polyethelene grocery bags are things that pelicans might fatally eat, or polar bears might get their toes tangled in while doing whatever polars bears do when they aren't poking around being photographed for popular publications.  So I can suppose that such bags might pose a threat to the environment, as the environment didn't evolve capability of dealing with poly bags.  But I figure that pelicans will have to learn to deal with the challenges presented by the modern world, just as I do.  I mean, like all of my tribe I'm an omnivore but if I eat a plastic bag and it kills me, I pretty much deserve what I get.  Nothing I call food looks at all like a plastic grocery bag.  And those baby-poop brown paper bags beloved by the green weenies for their supposed recyclability begin to recycle themselves disastrously when I try to carry the damn wet things filled with groceries from the car to the front door, through the rain.  Oh, and for the record, poly gets recycled from and to water bottles, sporks, and carpet, kids' toys and even golf shirts.  The portion of brown paper bags that gets recycled requires a lot of energy to get the job done, but mostly paper bags just go into landfills to dissolve into sludge that even the organisms which usually dispose of old natural fibrous material won't touch.  Because brown paper doesn't resist moisture all that well.  And did I mention that it rains a lot around here?  Damn politicians.  Too bad looking, too untalented, too uneducated, too dull, and too arrogant to succeed at a real job, so they go into politics where their shortcomings are considered virtues within their respective parties.

And hey!  What's with toilets that cannot be relied upon to get the job done with only one flush?  C'mon.  Toilets were pretty much invented and perfected in the 1800's.  We have had for years the know-how to make a flush toilet that flushes and we have the know-how to deal with the product of the flush.  It all requires enough water, which we fortunately have in abundance as two-thirds of the surface of the earth is covered with water.  So what did the bright boys and girls hanging around the plenipotentiary government agencies do?  They decided that flush toilets used too much water per flush, so all new and replacement toilets must produce only miniature flushes.  Think of them as exquisite, bonsai toilets.  There must be a special politician/bureaucratic math that shows that two or three flushes to get the job done, uses less water than one sufficient flush.  Okay, I grant that there are locales where water is in short supply, as in the desert Southwest.  But throughout the rest of the counry we have water and here in the Northwest we have a too much.  Water falls out the sky whether needed or not, around here, and we have ponds, lakes, and rivers of the stuff.  The solution to the problem of insufficient water in desert lands to support working flush toilets isn't denying the rest of us toilets that work.  The solution lies in getting the people who want to live in the desert to pay what it costs to  furnish water there do what water can do, that is, flush their toilets.  And if they don't want to pay to import water, let them just poop in the dust of their back yard.  Hell, most of L.A. is so crappy already that dried up poop in the back yard probably wouldn't even be noticed.  For that matter, if poop in the back yard is offensive, let them poop into brown paper grocery bags.  Oh, and I bet there's more than one bidet in Los Angeles, located right next to a low flush toilet.  I say, if there isn't enough water to flush the toilets they should be required to use brown paper bags to cleanse themselves as punishment for the hypocricy of a low-flush toilet paired with a bidet.

And I say, who put such people as these in charge, who peddle windows that go down but not up, or idealogues who decree using brown paper bags in the rain, or who require that everybody acccept less effective technology? 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I won't lose sleep but . . .

I've been troubled by a lot of little things for some time.  Evidently, I miss some of the memos or I'm not in the circulation cue for the emails.  But things constantly come up that everybody else seems to have come to understand based on access to key information that has eluded me.  I've evidently arrived at that station in life where things pass me by.  How come everybody else seems to know these things?

For example, just who the hell are the Kardashians? 

Why does everybody seem to know who they are?  I've become familiar with some of them.  I know there is a Kim, and I think the rest of them are Kloe, Komet, Kupid, Donder and Blitzen, Dok, Sneezy and Dopey. 

Was there an original Kardashian, a product of some kosmic mutation which provided the inherited trait for which all Kardashians are now famous, whatever the hell that is? 

Does a Kardashian come out of hibernation every year, and if he sees his shadow we are going to have six more weeks of winter, so that we can plan for when to plant our spring crops?

If you are accepted as a Kardashian, do you have to pay annual dues, or is it a lifetime membership?  Is there an entrance exam, and if so, is there any math involved?

If I come into contact with a Kardashian, is it infectious?  Is simple handwashing enough or is there some more elaborate hygiene adviseable?  Once a Kardashian, can it be cured?

If lost in the woods, can you improve your chances of survival by rubbing two Kardashians together to make a toasty fire?

Should the Kardashians be admitted into the European Union, or the North Atlantic Treato Organization?

Have you noticed that the rise of the Kardashians in the public popular media corresponds with the continuous decline of home prices?  If the Kardashians stop doing whatever it is that they do, will the unemployment rate drop?

How much wood can a Kardashian chuck, if a Kardashian would chuck wood?

If I encounter a wild Kardashian, should I avoid making eye contact and slowly move to the side and away, or should I attempt to frighten the Kardashian by raising my harms up to appear as large as possible?   How do Kardashians mark their territory in the brush?  Who are these people? 

I'll need a clue -- even just a few brief words, like, "ancient warlike tribe of gold diggers," or, "like cherubim and seraphim," or "your new masters in the age of fear to come,"  or "sculpted silicone."

Thursday, December 15, 2011

This is the prototypical WTF event!  The recent National Defense Authorization Act of 2011 authorizes the military to indefinitely detain a person they label a terrorist, without a trial.  No habeas corpus.  Doesn't matter if they are a U.S. citizen entitled under the U.S. Consitution to 4th amendment protections and habeas corpus.  The Senate has voted to screw that.

Was it just a few years ago that the professionally aggrieved were yelping about the detention of captured combatants being interrogated at Guatanamo?  Couldn't have been.  They wanted there to be trials in civil court.  But that was then, and this is now and there are some folks who think it might be neat to be able to lock up people who might appear to be terrorists by reason of their being critical of the government.

Of course, I, for one, welcome the activities of our new overlords and masters in Washington.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Destiny and the Ninety-nine percent. . . .

Saw a sign proclaiming membership in the 99%.  Right.  There's a way to distinguish yourself -- be exactly like everybody else, with no distinguishing features.  Unexceptional.  Common as dirt.  Interchangeable, dispensible, forgettable and inconsequential.  Like I said.  Unexceptional.

Now, being part of the 1%.  That would be something to talk about.

What happened to aspiration?  People used to hope and work and plan to improve themselves, and wanted their kids to "have a better life."   Observing that others were financially better off was seen as an indication of possibilities, not as evidence of injustice, as if somehow being wealthy was criminal, res ipsa loquitur.

The fact is, the social commentariat who've designed this "eat the rich", "the rich need to pay their fair share" nonsense, and this 99%/1% societal division are really telling you that any aspirations you may have are delusions, that in fact, you are fated to be -- nothing much.  Don't aspire to improve your lot; it can't be done.  Hope is not for such as us, because the rich have stolen it.  Your destiny is fixed, and you are looking at it right now.

So.  Your continued survival and safe membership in the 99% requires you to demand that more tax money be extracted from the people who still have it, so that it can be distributed to the corporations, unions, and cronies who fund election campaigns.

Hey folks.  It wasn't your wealth that was stolen by the rich.  What has been stolen is the belief that a person might become exceptional by application of the traditional middle class values  -  work, study, saving, planning, investing in the future.  Because if you don't believe that, if you don't believe you can make a difference, then there is no hope for you and you might as well sell your vote in exchange for fine sounding words empty of meaning, and settle in to life of relentless envy and unrewarding bitterness that comes with the conviction that the rich get richer and the game is rigged to keep poor people poor.

Welcome to the proletariat.

Friday, December 09, 2011


I noticed BING news posted a story and they labeled it "in depth."  Cool.  I wanted "in depth".   What I got was an obvious opinion from somebody who was emotionally involved with the story but without any information beyond her feelings.  I accept her feelings with some sympathy, but . . c'mon.  That's not "in depth" to me; I thought "in depth" would provide more information than just headline information.

What was more interesting is that BING just republishes news from other sources, and the source of the opinion that BING labeled "in depth," had actually clearly labeled the piece as "opinion."

So the question is, are the unidentified and untouchable BING editors instigators and enablers of the dumbing down of America, or are they in fact the result?