Portland's Cleveland High has hit the New York Times! The school, and Portland schools, are cited as examples of the dastardly and vicious practice of requiring students to overcome daily confrontations by nationally branded soft drink dispensing machines. Oh, the humanity!
Fortunately, some trial lawyers around Massachusetts are going to sue America's soft drink makers for pimping their devil brews to those of tender years and weak resolve in public schools. And these aren't just any lawyers, mind you. These are lawyers experienced in class action suits which, as we know, are always motivated by high minded dedication to public health. I refer, of course, to the anti-tobacco litigation that has resulted in windfalls to governments and attorneys, and has severely punished the tobacco sellers by requiring them to raise the price of cigarettes to be paid by those already addicted. Big business had better learn not to trifle with this heroic band of brothers at the bar.
One can only speculate about how much money such a suit would be worth to the vendors of nationally branded sugar waters of iniquity. It could be millions and billions, one must suppose. The hero lawyers are naturally creatures of rectitude when it comes to mention of such pedestrian matters as mere money. (Money quote coming. Watch for it.) .
Mr. Gardner said he and the other lawyers realize that damages could run into the billions. "We haven't decided about this yet," he said. "We don't want this to come off looking like a greedy-lawyer lawsuit."
Oh, certainly not.